Bad Dream

During the night before my birthday I had a disturbing dream (most likely brought on by the late dinner I ate just before bed) that most women could relate to. In the morning I described it to Shawn and my children and it sounded hysterical after the fact but it wasn't so funny in my dream-like state!

Those of you who have had the pleasure of being weighed on the WiiFit will identify with this one.

In my dream I was standing on a WiiFit board and was being weighed in front of numerous people. In horror I watched my Wii character get fatter and fatter as my weight rose & rose above my usual healthy level into the obese zone. Someone who was watching in the backround commented, "I don't think your healthy eating is working for you, Melissa."

I was mortified!

In the morning, I went right to my scale bracing myself to see numbers above my usual healthy, acceptable range. False alarm. All was well. In fact, it was a bit of a 40th birthday present in itself to see that I was nowhere near the danger zone at all!

This whole scenario is silly, I know. Especially with all my bravo comments about how weight doesn't matter to me any more and that I don't measure myself by those standards anymore.

I guess deep down I still have fear that my new freedom from dieting will end in humiliation for me. That even if I am making better choices, that it will not be enough to avoid failure and criticism from those who see my efforts as futile. Maybe the dream wasn't as superficial as it first appeared.

I am challenged to remember that even though I abstain from certain foods and try to live good, healthy habits, that I am still capable of overeating and and that I still feel vulnerable in terms of being approved/disapproved by how much I weigh. God's not finished with me yet!

I told my girlfriend about this dream and she said we should check the Wiifit just in case. We pulled out her system, but her board batteries were dead. Guess I'll have to get on my own board just to see!