Positive Reframing

It's three weeks into my "Attitudes, Habits & Addictions" class and I'm deciding it should be renamed the "Positive Confession" class. If someone expected cutting edge education on behaviour modification then I'm sorry to say that they would be disappointed. It is hour after hour (over the course of 10 weeks) reminding you that if you want to change your life then you need to change how you think.

At first I was one of those analytical individuals who was thinking, "Hey, I know this stuff and I'm already a positive thinker!" but more and more I am beginning to see huge gaps in my positivity. I'm not thinking positively when my husband gets tiffy with me over money, when my chidren do something I asked them not to do for the 100th time, when my workload increases beyond my work hours or when I wake in the night in the grip of a panic attack. I am acting out of negative emotions all the time and I don't even acknowlege it. If I do, I justify it or make feeble efforts that don't make a permanent change.

I'm a "give me step by step instructions to fix my problem" kind of girl. The only practical exercise that has been recommended is the reading of the "God's Creative Power" booklet by Charles Capps. I admit I did this rather half-heartedly and randomly at first. It's Bible scriptures that are personalized and categorized to address certain issues and to remind us of God's promises to those who believe.

Even though I know these scriptures and believe them in my head to be true, as I read them they felt so unreal to me. It was like reading something that felt so different from my reality. A lot of days I don't feel loved, protected, peaceful, victorious, healthy or confident. I had to keep refocusing my attitude as I read because something inside of me was going "Blah, blah, blah" to the words even as I spoke them. This is not a good place to be spiritually and that initially made me feel even worse. I had to determine that for the duration of the class I would work to put aside my cynical outlook and see where this journey into embracing positivity would bring me.

In the last class I determined that whenever I woke in the middle of the night with a panic attack, I would get the little booklet and read it aloud. Sure enough, that night Paris woke me up because she wasn't feeling good. I tried to go back to sleep after sending her back to bed but my mind began it's worry.

"What's wrong with her?"

"What if she's seriously ill?"

"What if she needs me and I don't hear her?"

Somehow these thoughts escalate until I am mourning the death of my child for no reason at all. I sat up, got the booklet, went to her room and we read it out loud together. We both were more peaceful afterwards and I went back to bed feeling calm and relaxed. She still got sick to her stomach later but I'm determined to keep trying.
 
This morning I was upset after a disagreement with Shawn and felt my feelings spiralling downward. Got the booklet out and spoke the words out loud again. Again, I felt much better afterwards. It reminded me that my emotions can never take the place of the truth.
 
I purchased a second booklet. The first one was given to me for free for taking the class but the second one cost me a whole $2.39. I'm keeping one by my bedside for those middle of the night episodes that I'm expecting will soon come to an end and the other in my purse and plan on using them quite a bit over the next 7 weeks until I have tamed my rather active and renegade thought life.

The last pillar in "The Seven Pillars of Health" by Don Colbert is "Coping with Stress" and one of the main techniques is called "Reframing". It is where you take a negative circumstance and find a way to see and focus on the positive. Kind of like Polyanna. I think this class and the homework they assign are a very good way to begin this process and I'm expecting to see wonderful changes in my health as I continue to battle the stress that tries to overtake me.