Weighing In

It is the weekend before the OBFF National Conference and I catch myself wondering, "What will the OBFF members think about me and how much I weigh?" Absurd and self-absorbed as it may sound this one question has haunted me all year.

I mean, it wasn't my idea to introduce myself upon hiring as the ultra personal trainer especially when I was entering a career path that was so at odds with my former calling. My dad was so proud of me and my old accomplishments but even at that time I knew that I didn't want to be judged by those standards anymore.

Too late. I felt the pressure to maintain my previous fitness even though I was adjusting to a new job with more than full-time demands. I literally felt my metabolism come to a crawl while stress eating reached all time highs.

Last year I promised myself that I would make the adjustments and be back to my fit self in time for this conference. It was my motivation. Funny though that it didn't help me stick to any food plan I tried or work out more intensely.

If you've been reading my blog since "The Beginning" I hope that you will recognize a change that has slowly blossomed in my life. It's really not about my weight anymore! I feel like a seed that was planted in me years ago has finally broken ground and is bearing fruit. I want to live and eat healthy and even if I put on 20lbs while I figure it all out, it's okay.

I've been blessed because I didn't put on pounds at all...I lost a few. Not a huge amount, but enough to tell me that I'm on the right track. I'm not as fit and toned as I once was and I've surrendered to a larger clothing size but I'm in my healthy range and for the first time ever, that's enough.

The best part of all is I don't count calories, keep a food journal and I'm not HUNGRY all the time! That is unless I forget to pack enough food in my lunch. I eat good, nutritous food most of the time and stay away from caffeine & processed sugar as if it's deadly because it triggers bad behaviours for me.

There's many things I can still improve on. There always will be. I could drink more water, eat more veggies & fresh fruit, exercise more intensely and consistantly, and eliminate the french fries and pizza I allow. It's okay. I know when I'm ready I will do those things.

So whether OBFF members make a mental comparison of my physical fitness and find me wanting or not doesn't matter so much to me now. This year I came to terms with my new life and have embraced the changes. I am so much more than what I weigh or what size clothes I wear. OBFF conference, here I come!