Thin Enough

During my fitness career, I worked with many women who were in or slightly above their healthy BMI range, but were still unhappy with their bodies. I had very few truely overweight clients. No, for a brief time I was the poster girl for the average female who wanted the hard sculpted body we see in magazines. I would look into their desperate eyes and try to help them in their quest but even then I questioned the sanity of it all.

I have recently seen some women who are extremely thin after losing weight to the point that I question their methods and their health. To clarify, I am not speaking of naturally thin women who eat well. I want to take these aforementioned ladies aside, hug them, tell them that they were beautiful even when they were overweight. They don't have to prove anything to anyone or continue trying to chase the illusion of bodily perfection anymore.

I must be getting older. I remember the well-meaning souls who tried this approach with me numberous times in my life and I didn't receive it well. I thought these mothering women were controlling, jealous diet sabatogers. Women who had failed to achieve perfection themselves, who wanted it but couldn't have it and thus felt the need to discourage any other woman who appeared to be succeeding. Sick. I really thought that way. I took their concern as criticism of myself and would instantly get defensive and distance myself from them.

Specifically, I remember two incidents:

At 21 years old I joined Weight Watchers after my doctor used the word "obese" to describe my weight of 118lbs during a physical exam. I was unfit and a little chubby and she was using the word "obese" as a clinical term for my less than perfect physique. I heard "FAT" and grabbed onto my Weight Watchers diet for dear life.I didn't have a car at the time so I was riding my bicycle between school and the two part-time jobs I was working so the weight melted away until I was 92lbs.

One afternoon a group of ladies was visiting and witnessed my rejection of dinner as I raced out the door to catch a ride to an event I was late for. One of the ladies caught my arm and tried to express her concern for my lack of appetite and diminishing weight. I can't recall our conversation exactly, but I didn't receive her words.

It wasn't until my school backpack wore the skin from my bony spine and I was told that I was too underweight to give blood that I realized that maybe I was a little too thin. I still didn't like what I saw in the mirror and felt fat. Soon afterward, I got a car and a full-time job in food service and my weight was regained, much to my disappointment.

Later, in my 30's, during my fitness & low carb dieting era, I dropped below 100lbs again. I reached a point where my nose would spontaneously begin bleeding. My husband's aunt lived next door and was visiting when this happened once. She expressed concern over my weight and the nose bleed, but I heard only criticism. Soon after I began eating fruit again, put on a few pounds and the nosebleeds stopped.

I could tell you of more women who tried to speak into my life-some more delicately than others, but I think you understand. I wouldn't hear them.

That is why except for this writing, I mostly stay silent. How can I express to these beautiful, vibrant women that the illusive prize they seek is not worth the price they are paying? How can I tell them that the positive attention that they are getting due to their body change will one day not be enough and that they will never be satisfied? How do we switch the focus from weight-loss to nutritional and fitness health?

I do not know the answer to this question yet as I am only now discovering this for myself. I only know that I am looking at the women around me differently and appreciating them for more than how much they weigh. We need to take care of ourselves not abuse these wonderful forms that God has given us. Watch our nutrition, yes. Exercise, yes. Live and be healthy in ALL areas of life, YES! Sacrifice your health and wellbeing to be thin, no.