Hitting the Trail

Tonight my daughter was making cupcakes with supplies that were given to her on her birthday. I gave oversight to this project until it was time to ice them. They smelled very yummy and fresh and I had flashbacks to the last cake episode that began with a lick of icing from my fingers (Cake Confessions). I solemnly told my daughter that I could not help her with this part of her cupcake-making and decided that I better find something to do. She was very understanding and even apologized for tempting me.

I needed to exercise anyways. With Shawn on the computer, Trysten watching cartoons and Paris developing her culinary skills in the kitchen, I decided to venture outdoors for a 5K walk/jog along the recreational trail near my home. I changed my clothes, gathered my Ipod, Gymboss (a wonderful gadget that times and beeps to signal when it's time to switch between my walking and jogging intervals), runners, the leash and a bag. That was all I needed to do to alert my Yorkie, Milo, that we were going out. She began to whimper in anticipation before I could lace up and get to the door!

As we set off, I realized that this was the first walk/jog that I have undertaken since May (read Unexpected Exercise Delight). It was hot early this spring, then I got my new bike and since then running shoes were not part of my summer routine. I enjoy these outdoor jaunts especially with Milo trotting along with me so happy to be outside. I felt a twinge of regret. The evening was so cool and pleasant that it is impossible to wallow in guilt for very long. I love that Milo doesn't complain about the months of neglect and the pathetic walks my children take her on. She just relished what I had to offer here and now. Dogs are wonderful for that!

At one point as I alternated between my brisk stride and slow jog along the path by Turkey Creek, I noticed a deer drinking from an upturned mini recycle bin in one of the palatial yards that backs on the the opposite bank. I'm constantly in awe of these moments even though they are quite common here. Take the recreational trail at dawn or dusk and you're very likely to see deer in the bush, in a field or even on the trail itself. It is a sight that never fails to take my breath away and make me smile. It is special and I feel blessed to experience it.

There is a portion of the trail that is very wooded and bushy and I noticed today that it was so overgrown that the trees have almost joined together above the trail. It was a feeling akin to being in a haunted forest and I was glad that Milo was with me and it was still daylight even though it doesn't seem so for the brief foray into this cave-like section of the path. This is when running with a human partner is a good plan!

I expected the change of exercise to be punishing but was pleasantly surprised by the ease with which my body adapted to the demands. Even Milo was in pretty good form considering that she was out of practise. It wasn't until the last quarter of the workout that I began to feel the complaints of my hips and knees. That is a familiar ending to this exercise choice and the reason I typically limit myself to two such workouts a week even at my best.

Coming back to the house, I met up with a neighbor and had the opportunity to chat for a couple minutes as we headed in the same direction. This was a rare exchange for me due to my work and leisure choices. It is good when you are able to do something healthy that has such a varied benefit. The raised heart rate & sweat, fresh air, the calm & serenity of nature, bringing happiness to a faithful pet, adventure and comrade with others on the trail and in the neighborhood. What a wonderful way to end the day! So why don't we do this more often?

My Big Fat Greek Salad

My co-worker, Stephanie Morris, has been a major support to my efforts to eat healthfully by her willingness to make salads for our lunch. All one needs to do is bring whatever salad veggies are available and she is good to go.

I, on the other hand, am uncharacteristicly lazy when it comes to salad preparation. Many times I purchase salad greens and watch them slowly wilt over a two-week period with promises that I will make that salad to go with dinner...tomorrow. My family doesn't complain about this so it is a bad habit gone unchecked. When I do summon the will to fix a salad, it is often uninspired and I have to prod my family to partake in it.

Not anymore. In fact, increasingly, my saladian purchases come directly to the WCF staff kitchen and I stick with steamed veggies for supper at home which for whatever reason seems to work better both for me and my clan.

During the winter my favorite salad is the typical greens assortment with red onion & tomato. Stephanie makes an awesome simple vinaigrette dressing which I am sure she wouldn't mind me sharing. (See below).

During the summer however, we have gone "Greek" due to the abundance of tomatoes & cucumbers from my garden. I brought what I had and she did the rest by adding the red onion, feta and her dressing.. Almost daily we dish servings from the communal salad bowl savouring the fresh veggies, tangy dressing and salty feta. Stephanie sometimes passes around the bag of olives from home that she keeps separate from the rest of the salad for my sake.

I became so addicted to this healthy indulgence that I begged  for her dressing recipe (see below) and asked her to buy some feta on my behalf so I could make the salad at home on the weekends and contribute more fully to the process. Typically, I dislike large chunks of cheese and only tolerate Feta crumbled into very fine crumbs, but the fresh feta that Stephanie buys from Sam's in the states is very mild and tasty so I ask for bigger pieces.

I used to put dollops of Kraft dressings on my roughage but after experiencing these homemade dressings, the others do not compare. Thanks Stephanie for your salad dressing mentorship! I'm still a bit lazy since Stephanie does the majority of the actual washing & slicing of the vegetables but once in a while I get in there and help. Once I even made the whole salad and delivered it to Stephanie's desk when she was too busy to take a formal lunch. I think she liked that.

Stephanie's Basic Vinaigrette
2 Tbs Olive Oil
2 Tbs Rice Wine Vinegar
Salt & Pepper to Taste

Stephanie's Greek Salad Dressing
3 fl oz Olive Oil
1 fl oz Red Wine Vinegar
1 1/2 Tsp Garlic, minced
1/4 Tsp Oregano

Cake Confessions

I have to be honest lest my faithful readers think I have more self-control than I actually do. I succumbed to cake...not once but TWICE!

It's funny but the last time I did this was Trysten's birthday (read "Take the Cake") and I was fine until, you guessed it, Paris' Birthday this month. I suppose this is where I should be grateful that I did not go on to have more children!

I was doing fine until we got home from the park after a hectic day of preparations & celebration. We were putting everything away and that included slicing, storing, and freezing the leftover cake. I began my spiral downward with a simple lick of icing from my fingers. Mmmm...that tastes good. Soon I was down THREE pieces. I knew that wasn't very smart but at first I felt like I had gotten away with it. Ha! At three in the morning I woke with an adrenaline rush that would not let me sleep in peace. Sugar buzz. Miserable. Why did I do this to myself? I used to drink coffee and diet pop and have sweets on a regular basis and I never had reactions this strong. Now I am so sensitive to sugars that an indiscretion has a mega drug-like effect. At that moment I was seriously questioning the benefit of my choices.

In the rational daylight hours, while discussing the sugar phenomenon with a friend, I realized that while I may have had a higher tolerance in the past, the effects were likely being felt by my body and harm being done. So much better to prove how toxic sugar is when your body is purified and then gets a good dose of it.

One would think that I would have learned my lesson and steered clear of another cake incident, but alas, I too am inflicted with that inane human tendency to repeat stupidity. A week later I was eying the cake in the freezer and feeling a little carefree. The only positive thing I can say is that I had the sense to stop at 1-1/2 pieces this time.

I have noticed that my resolve to continue in healthy lifestyle habits was weakening significantly in light of these failures. Shawn's stops at Tim Horton's for a coffee and the family ice cream runs were beginning to wear me down. Why am I doing this? What's the point? Am I really achieving anything positive? Sure my weight is down 5-6lbs since the New Years but it doesn't feel all that significant. I could be a lot more fun if I just joined in and indulged with my friends & family. When will the temptation of coffee & pop go away?

I acknowledge these questions, doubts, and feelings but that is all I can do. I'm not willing to let a few mistakes undo months of hard work. What are my options really? Give up? Start going back to habits I've gained some victory in and live with the knowledge that I actually chose to go back to them like a dog who vomits and then goes back to make another meal of it. Do I want a coffee or soda that bad? Will it make me feel that good?

I decide that it's not worth it. I realize that cake-like food is missing from my menu and I need to find a healthy alternative if I want to immunize myself from those deprivation-driven moments. Yesterday, I made a Honey Lemon Cake that uses only natural sugars and although it tastes nothing like Zehrs Chocolate cake, a small piece is enough to satisfy. It's one proactive step.

I encourage you, whatever positive changes you are attempting to make in your life, not to give up on what you really want just because occasionally you happen to forget and indulge in what you "think" you want in the moment.

Paper Versus Digital

I am for the most part a woman who has embraced technology. I love my blackberry and my laptop. It has been quoted by time-management professionals that to be effective, a person needs to choose whether they are paper or digital oriented and stick with one or the other.

What do professionals know anyway? I have noticed 2 things that defy my enjoyment of technology. First, I would rather read information from paper than a computer screen if given the choice and second, I am more satisfied by keeping a paper food journal than a digital one.

This is crazy because they have some great digital diet/exercise programs out there! I know because I've tried alot of them. There are some seriously cool mixes of food & exercise databases that can show you graphs and tell you the nutritional composition of everything about what you ate and how many calories you have burned so long as you are faithful to enter the data on a regular basis. They also allow you to enter food information that is not already in the database or create favorite "meals" so that multiple food choices can be selected with the touch of a button.

So why do I currently use a pen & a paper journal? Good question. To be honest, my fav digital program hasn't crossed over to Blackberry yet (I first experienced it as a Palm user) and BB diet software is akin to using DOS-based computer programs. Blah. I've been stalking Vidaone via email every couple months asking when their BB version will be released and they are assuring me that it will come soon. I will likely pay the token $10 fee to cross-over but am expecting to be disappointed as I have been with other favored Palm programs that tried to match their performance on a blackberry platform.

So, I resorted to the traditional book-bound diet & exercise journal (check out my blogs "Bringing It Together & Week of the Journal") and have found it extremely rewarding. Then I remembered other times where I was faithful to keep a journal and realized that my most profitable seasons of weight loss or maintenance were while using a paper journal.

Not sure why this appeals to me so much. Having to enter & re-enter the same foods & caloric values repetitively and resort to a office calculator to add up columns of numbers on a daily basis is so archaic. Having to go to the back of my journal to survey an alphabetical list of foods instead of typing in a couple letters and selecting from instantaneous drop-down lists--what am I thinking???

It is what it is. My last journal expired (it only holds 14 weeks) and it was time to get another one. I did the tedious chore of entering repetitive personal data (like my supplement doses & RMR) on every page and transferring my hand-written collection of foods that are not included in the alphabetical listing that comes with the book. Everything in my technology savvy mind goes "Waste of time. Go digital!" but I love my little black book and the entries/notes that I make in it every day. The daily two-page spread with my scrawl that is as varied and inconsistent as I am. It is the picture that no PDA can ever display in it's cold exactness and limitations. At least not yet, that is. Hmmm...I wonder what the I-Phone software has to offer....

Preservative Therapy

The thing about loving to eat and bouncing around from eating plan to eating plan is that I have experienced some exceptional recipes that have become favorites. Some favorites have had to go by the wayside because they had unhealthy ingredients...mainly artificial sweeteners...but the majority have stood the test of time and diet strategies. The problem is, they were scattered in various places from recipe books, accordion files, and personalized binders. When a craving hit, I had to go in search of the desired recipe and hope I didn't lose it before it made it's way back to it's resting place.

No more! This week I decided to fulfill one of those nagging items on my "one day when I have nothing to do AND the energy to do something" list. Every woman has one.

I've actually attempted this before but my efforts were either too tedious or did not produce the desired result of aesthetic appeal and convenience. Mixed in with those recipes are reminders of pathetic stabs at this endeavor in the past.

I started at Wal-Mart looking for the perfect scrapbook album. (This I decided would be more counter-top pleasing than a binder and more hands-on than a computer database). I needed the right size too. I settled on a 8" x 8", top-loading, post bound scrapbook and picked up some refills.

Next began the copying of the recipes which I believe is legal since I own the original books and I am not distributing or selling the copies to others. Personal use. Just in case anyone's sense of copyright violation is buzzing!

One recipe book after another I have been leafing through to find those friends that I search for so often. I am not shy about writing in my books or stating my opinion of the recipe so it's easy to spot the candidates. "Excellent", "Mmmm..", "Yummy", "Delicious". These are the words I am looking for. I avoid the ones that say "Terrible", "Disgusting", "Never make this again", "Not my style" or even a bland "Good". There are some I wasn't sure about so I put them in but be sure that if I try that creation and it is not special, it will be eliminated immediately.

Using the reduce size function on the copier and a paper cutter, I was able to get the recipes to my desired specifications so they slipped easily into the album page protectors. Even though I am not finished, I have the book divided into sections (Breakfasts, Snacks, Dinners, Desserts....etc) and I have even made little cover pages for each section via MS Word & clipart.

It is amazing therapy to get fed up and just do one of those things on that mental list. I have enjoyed the process greatly. Beyond the practical benefit of having my favorite recipes handy and ready to add to or delete from easily, I am envisioning a coveted collection of recipes that my children and their future families will want for their own. I wish my mom had done the same. She had some amazing recipes when we were growing up that have long since been lost but we all try in vain to reproduce. Sometimes we get it close but none of our concoctions is exactly "it". I have been on that same precipice and hope this project will solve the problem.

I'm not done but am getting closer than ever to being able to finally scratch this item off my list and that makes me feel very relieved indeed. Now if I could only get to those photos....

Road Less Travelled

The Jillian Michael's hoopla is over. I called the customer support and cancelled my free trial today. My workout DVD & book haven't arrived yet but from past experience with these things, it'll be a few more weeks before they arrive. I still have access to the website until Aug. 14th but I know I won't be visiting. The workouts were great but the menu was very limited. Cottage cheese, meat, and egg whites were the main staples. I didn't mind these foods but I definitely need variety long-term!

I have been keeping careful track of all my eating & exercise for over a month now with a friend reviewing my journal on a weekly basis and this was effective. Sometime last week I just stopped it all. No a scratch of journalling for a whole week!

The truth is I've been dealing with a lot of issues that don't directly relate with this blog but have a huge effect on my health and well-being. For a few weeks now I have been struggling with the decisions I've made and how the people in my life view me for making them.

I've come face to face with the reality that in being true to my passion for health/fitness and the other priorities in my life, I have disappointed...even hurt others. Not everyone thinks I'm a great person. It's been hard to look at myself from some other people's perspective. It hurts and I'm taking some time to process whats been said so I can separate the truth from lies, learn, and go on with my life.

A Facebook friend posted in their status today, "A wise woman takes the road less travelled". I think that statement sums up what I've tried to be and do with my life--be a wise woman and take the road less travelled. From feedback I've gotten lately, I realize that is not what everyone sees. Some see me as acting like I'm better than others, selfish, inconsiderate of people's feelings and cold.

Taking the road less travelled has put me in situations where I have had to face being alone. I've been okay with that for the most part. Lately though, it's gone beyond that. I've felt increasing pressure to abandon my less-travelled road and join the mainstream or risk being called "extreme" or "out of balance". It has made people who favor the more oft-travelled road challenge me with "What is wrong with this road?". "I've travelled with you on yours so why don't you travel with me on mine?"

I've even had a situation develop where I reached out in my inexperience and refusal to accept failure to achieve something that someone else who was more skilled and experienced had not dared to do. I succeeded but that person could not accept that reality and so they doubt my claim to victory. Being alone on that less-travelled road means that sometimes your achievements can be refuted or rejected because there is no-one but God there to see you.

I am blessed with a husband and friends who know who I am and accept me as such and for that I'm grateful. I realize now that the root issue is that deep down I believe that I am not a good enough Christian, wife, mother, daughter, friend, or person. I try very hard to please the people in my life but I am finding this way of living to be suffocating and in the end, I please no-one. I am taking time to seek God and to understand the uniqueness He has blessed me with and how I can be loving and supportive to those around me and still be the unusual woman God made me to be. I know somehow at the end of this season I will be a better, stronger and healthier person.