It's funny but the last time I did this was Trysten's birthday (read "Take the Cake") and I was fine until, you guessed it, Paris' Birthday this month. I suppose this is where I should be grateful that I did not go on to have more children!
I was doing fine until we got home from the park after a hectic day of preparations & celebration. We were putting everything away and that included slicing, storing, and freezing the leftover cake. I began my spiral downward with a simple lick of icing from my fingers. Mmmm...that tastes good. Soon I was down THREE pieces. I knew that wasn't very smart but at first I felt like I had gotten away with it. Ha! At three in the morning I woke with an adrenaline rush that would not let me sleep in peace. Sugar buzz. Miserable. Why did I do this to myself? I used to drink coffee and diet pop and have sweets on a regular basis and I never had reactions this strong. Now I am so sensitive to sugars that an indiscretion has a mega drug-like effect. At that moment I was seriously questioning the benefit of my choices.
In the rational daylight hours, while discussing the sugar phenomenon with a friend, I realized that while I may have had a higher tolerance in the past, the effects were likely being felt by my body and harm being done. So much better to prove how toxic sugar is when your body is purified and then gets a good dose of it.
One would think that I would have learned my lesson and steered clear of another cake incident, but alas, I too am inflicted with that inane human tendency to repeat stupidity. A week later I was eying the cake in the freezer and feeling a little carefree. The only positive thing I can say is that I had the sense to stop at 1-1/2 pieces this time.
I have noticed that my resolve to continue in healthy lifestyle habits was weakening significantly in light of these failures. Shawn's stops at Tim Horton's for a coffee and the family ice cream runs were beginning to wear me down. Why am I doing this? What's the point? Am I really achieving anything positive? Sure my weight is down 5-6lbs since the New Years but it doesn't feel all that significant. I could be a lot more fun if I just joined in and indulged with my friends & family. When will the temptation of coffee & pop go away?
I acknowledge these questions, doubts, and feelings but that is all I can do. I'm not willing to let a few mistakes undo months of hard work. What are my options really? Give up? Start going back to habits I've gained some victory in and live with the knowledge that I actually chose to go back to them like a dog who vomits and then goes back to make another meal of it. Do I want a coffee or soda that bad? Will it make me feel that good?
I decide that it's not worth it. I realize that cake-like food is missing from my menu and I need to find a healthy alternative if I want to immunize myself from those deprivation-driven moments. Yesterday, I made a Honey Lemon Cake that uses only natural sugars and although it tastes nothing like Zehrs Chocolate cake, a small piece is enough to satisfy. It's one proactive step.
I encourage you, whatever positive changes you are attempting to make in your life, not to give up on what you really want just because occasionally you happen to forget and indulge in what you "think" you want in the moment.
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