Road Less Travelled

The Jillian Michael's hoopla is over. I called the customer support and cancelled my free trial today. My workout DVD & book haven't arrived yet but from past experience with these things, it'll be a few more weeks before they arrive. I still have access to the website until Aug. 14th but I know I won't be visiting. The workouts were great but the menu was very limited. Cottage cheese, meat, and egg whites were the main staples. I didn't mind these foods but I definitely need variety long-term!

I have been keeping careful track of all my eating & exercise for over a month now with a friend reviewing my journal on a weekly basis and this was effective. Sometime last week I just stopped it all. No a scratch of journalling for a whole week!

The truth is I've been dealing with a lot of issues that don't directly relate with this blog but have a huge effect on my health and well-being. For a few weeks now I have been struggling with the decisions I've made and how the people in my life view me for making them.

I've come face to face with the reality that in being true to my passion for health/fitness and the other priorities in my life, I have disappointed...even hurt others. Not everyone thinks I'm a great person. It's been hard to look at myself from some other people's perspective. It hurts and I'm taking some time to process whats been said so I can separate the truth from lies, learn, and go on with my life.

A Facebook friend posted in their status today, "A wise woman takes the road less travelled". I think that statement sums up what I've tried to be and do with my life--be a wise woman and take the road less travelled. From feedback I've gotten lately, I realize that is not what everyone sees. Some see me as acting like I'm better than others, selfish, inconsiderate of people's feelings and cold.

Taking the road less travelled has put me in situations where I have had to face being alone. I've been okay with that for the most part. Lately though, it's gone beyond that. I've felt increasing pressure to abandon my less-travelled road and join the mainstream or risk being called "extreme" or "out of balance". It has made people who favor the more oft-travelled road challenge me with "What is wrong with this road?". "I've travelled with you on yours so why don't you travel with me on mine?"

I've even had a situation develop where I reached out in my inexperience and refusal to accept failure to achieve something that someone else who was more skilled and experienced had not dared to do. I succeeded but that person could not accept that reality and so they doubt my claim to victory. Being alone on that less-travelled road means that sometimes your achievements can be refuted or rejected because there is no-one but God there to see you.

I am blessed with a husband and friends who know who I am and accept me as such and for that I'm grateful. I realize now that the root issue is that deep down I believe that I am not a good enough Christian, wife, mother, daughter, friend, or person. I try very hard to please the people in my life but I am finding this way of living to be suffocating and in the end, I please no-one. I am taking time to seek God and to understand the uniqueness He has blessed me with and how I can be loving and supportive to those around me and still be the unusual woman God made me to be. I know somehow at the end of this season I will be a better, stronger and healthier person.