The Big "C" (Part One)

I've always enjoyed soda, but my love affair with coffee, ice caps and diet pop exploded with the birth of my two delightful children. It was then that I experienced sleep deprivation and indentured servitude to extremes that drove me in search of a comforting, energy reviving elixir. I was whirling precariously in the priority dance that every mother experiences and these drinks helped me dance faster and longer.
I once extolled the virtues of a Tim's Ice Cap to a friend by claiming that I didn't need to eat anything for six hours after consuming one and I would literally buzz with energy.
My morning cup of java took on spiritual significance as I sipped it in the pre-dawn hours before my kids woke up and interrupted my daily quiet time of prayer, bible reading and journalling. I was having coffee with God and it was good!
Shawn was initially unaddicted like myself but I admit that I was instrumental in introducing him to the pleasures of daily coffee breaks. Tim Horton's had a lot to do with our growing addiction too. Their "Roll up the Rim & Win" event brought us back to their drive-thru repetitively and when it was over (we didn't win the car) we were groomed for lifelong dependance. I often reflect that I'm not a true coffee drinker at all, I definitely crave Tim Horton's or Starbuck's to the exclusion of all others. To keep our habit budget-friendly, we bought Tim Horton's grounds and perculated at home.
If I had any qualms about my growing caffeine addiction, I was put at ease by my first personal trainer. I figured my coffee would be the first thing he'd recommend I quit when he examined my first food diary. I pointed this out and he encouraged me to keep indulging. The sugars & carbs had to go but the coffee could stay--it would give me energy for my workouts. Wow! I was relieved at the time and all worries about caffeine intake disappeared for a time.

 Before long Shawn & I were sipping a second coffee together at 3:15pm every day when he got home from work. It was our way of avoiding the late afternoon crash and downloading our individual day's events together before facing the demands of our evenings at home. Even once I went to work full-time, we still tried to preserve our daily tête-à-tête by meeting for "Coffee-time" every afternoon.
I was going along quite contentedly until my encounter experience that I blogged about in "The Beginning". Sure the caffinated drinks made me a little edgy...you know that tone you get in your voice that makes everything you say sound terse. I also noticed that my stomach would "clench" up if I experienced any stress at all and nothing seemed to relax it. I was kind of used to the bathroom visits and dehydration, but I hated waking up at my regular early time on the weekend when I finally had the opportunity to get a couple hours of much needed sleep. If I didn't wake up and get my fix on time, I would wake with the most horrible headaches and never mind if I accidently missed altogether! There were all sorts of drawbacks to my habit, but I loved it nonetheless.
Addictions are like that. There's usually a nerve-altering chemical, a pleasurable delivery system or payoff of some sort, usually a buzz of some kind and to make an addiction truely strong, a relationship bond with another significant person that revolves around your shared habit.
Please don't misunderstand. I don't believe that coffee drinking is morally wrong or even truely damaging to your health if done in moderation. In fact, part of my journey has been accepting that while this may be acceptable for others, it is not the best for me. I've had to get over the whole "but everybody else does it" whine in my head and do what's best for my body and my health. I wish I could say that I came to this realization quickly and just stopped, but that was not the case. If it was, I wouldn't have a story to tell!