The Big "C" (Part Two)

I can't even remember how many times I have quit drinking caffeine over the past years. Shawn would wisely preface his coffee-making routine with "Are you drinking coffee today?". Smarty pants. I have endured more caffeine withdrawal symptoms than a sane person would self-inflict.
Believe it or not, the headaches are not what brings me back. Often, I would return to my caffeine habit after several months of being "clean" when headaches were nothing but a distant memory. What I couldn't handle was my lack of "pep" and long term I had trouble adjusting my expectations of what I can accomplish daily without artificial energy. I also found myself justifying my relapses with the "Everybody's doing it so why can't I?"
I finally decided the last time I resumed my daily coffee & diet soda routine that I would quit quitting. In my marketing class I had learned that consumers often make purchases based on their conception of their "ideal" self and then get dinged again when they make other purchases based on their "real" self. This is demonstrated by the individual who idealizes being fit and thus purchases an expensive piece of fitness equipment only to let it collect dust while they head off to McDonald's. In my case, I decided, I was idealizing being healthy but it was simply not who I was. Other than being a dedicated exerciser and a fairly proficient dieter, I liked pleasure foods and was not likely to change my mind about that.
When I heard that nagging voice (the ideal self, the Holy Spirit, or both) inside me, I would argue silently that everyone had some bad habits and this one was mine. Why try to be perfect anyways? I figured that maybe my discontent at not being perfect was really the problem. I just need to accept that there's a vice that I can't shake and I need to let go of that expectation. Darn it, why can't I just enjoy life? So I reasoned and it almost worked.
It worked until in a Facebook conversation I suggested that someone get some coffee and they replied back, "No thanks, only water for me!" That irritated me. Goodie two shoes. Nothing is more irritating than someone who is succeeding and happy doing exactly what you have failed at again and again! Then a close friend of mine had to give up caffeine because it interacted with the medication she was taking. On the willpower scale, I had judged myself superior (sorry, friend) and here she was doing what I could not. All the caffeine-free people in the world were getting on my nerves!
I also had some menopause symptoms this past summer and when I read about what you can do to minimize them, "No caffeine" was top of the list. Could caffeine really be triggering the menopause-induced anxiety that beginning to bubble out of control? How random was that? It was like a pebble in my shoe and I was getting a blister!
So, with the knowledge that it is achievable and a new motivation (sleep unhindered by dreams of sudden death, loss, and other traumatic experiences) I decided to quit one last time. That was October 17th, 2009. I've been completely caffeine-free now for 4 months!
The headaches were horrible and I remember commenting on Day 3 how much in pain I was. A friend gave me some nutritional products (Isogenix) that significantly eased my suffering and taking them gave me a new focus for those first few weeks.
I quickly discovered that as humans we have a tendancy to replace our old habits with new ones. I might even go on to reason that "For every healthy action there is an equally unhealthy reaction" just waiting to surface. In my case, I noticed a significant rise in my sugar intake. It was as though my body said, "Hey, fine, you don't want to get your energy from caffeine? That's cool. Just give me sugar instead, I can work with that."
I was lamenting about this on Christmas Day, sitting around the table with my sisters, eating and drinking whatever I wanted (except coffee & diet pop). I joked that I was thinking about giving up sugar in the New Year but I was afraid of the new unhealthy substitute that I might turn to instead...say like...smoking or something! We had a good laugh, but I was seriously concerned. I didn't realize that this very conversation was going to set the stage for many more healthy changes that would define 2010 for me.